When a small study was conducted by Brazilian scientists to determine whether having breast implants improved women’s sexual satisfaction, they probably didn’t count on being the target of analysis themselves. The study, which did indeed indicate that women with boob jobs found sex with their partners to be more satisfying, has been called somewhat incomplete by its critics. For one thing, it doesn’t ask women how their new knockers have affected any other part of their lives, like running or breast feeding. “Not important” the study’s authors might say. “Those are not factors that concern us, because we’re dudes, and I’m still waiting for you to start shakin’ those thangs because this study is taking forever!”

The only women in the study who did not find greater sexual satisfaction were the ones whose artificial sweater stuffing caused them to get stretch marks. Aren’t these ladies kind of putting the rack before the knob on this one? It would seem a less invasive solution to just pump their men full of viagra and plant that specimen of masculinity on a robotic massage chair. If you’re willing to put your back into a little reverse cowgirl then the least he can do is dare to flop about under you a little bit. No amount of breast augmentation can turn a beached whale of a partner into a rippling Adonis of love.

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Please watch: “Crying dog breaks the internet’s heart — but this sad dog story has a happy ending”

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